I’ve given myself one year to master the violin.

As an adult beginner, I should be playing Twinkle Twinkle; instead, I'm playing Paganini's 24th caprice.

The Guilt

Now, let me tell you a little story.  I love sports, and I particularly love attending sporting events.  As some of you may know I’m a Resident Advisor at the Colburn Conservatory and part of my RA duties include setting up student programs on and off campus.  Last night I took several students to the LA Kings game at the Staples Center.  Ideally, if I was going to the Staples Center, I’d probably rather go to a Lakers game, but the Kings are a close second.  So why, then, when we had pretty awesome seats was I not having all that much fun?

Did it have anything to do with the fact that I should have been home practicing?  Oh.  No.

What, does the violin run my life now?  Can I not enjoy a night out because every moment I’m not practicing is a moment I should be working on my rhythm?  Is this what being a musician is–doomed to slavery by that infernal note-producing apparatus?  Is there not a moment of peace?  Normal people don’t feel guilty for having fun, do they?  Don’t normal people have fun while having fun?

I’ve only been playing for two weeks, for God’s sake!  I can’t have The Guilt already!


4 Comments on “The Guilt”

  1. Welcome to the club. You’ll never be the same again. I still haven’t learned how to deal with the “guilt factor.” Have fun!!

  2. JRV says:

    Oh, yes, be assured — the BIG G bares its fangs far and wide — and quite deeply — and has everything to do with normalcy — sorry!

  3. Lauren says:

    I have the guilt right now…. trolling around facebook and reading your blog. I SHOULD be practicing. ugh.

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